Building trust after infidelity is a difficult task. When a partner has been involved in infidelity, the faithful spouse or significant-other feels shocked and betrayed. A myriad of emotions collide including anger, disbelief, overwhelming sadness and panic. These emotions are all part of the initial reaction. In order to move forward, each partner must accept that a “life-changing” event has taken place.
In the days following the initial discovery, couples often question wether it will even be possible to repair the broken bonds. Rebuilding trust is crucial to moving on and creating a new and stronger relationship. Each partner must be fully
invested and willing to make their work as a couple a top priority in their life.
Here are some simple questions to ask yourself as you embark upon this very difficult but ultimately rewarding journey:
1. History- How much time have I spent with this person? How many important moments have we shared? Have we built any memories together?
History is important because it involves looking at what you have shared together as a couple. It can often involve years of meaningful experiences. Whether short or very long, history should never be discredited. History should be recognized and valued.
2. Communication- Exactly what happened and why? Has my partner communicated the details of the outside relationship?
Good communication is critical in order for you discover the truth about the events that actually took place. Communication skills help you explain your feelings and to hear your partners feelings, thoughts and motives. It helps you to dispel confusion and empowers you to acheive clarity. It enables both partners to come to an agreement about when things started and why. In order to come to a resolution both partners must begin at the same starting place. This is fundemental to to try to understanding why the infidelity happened.
3. Personal Investment- How much have I been investing in this relationship? Have I been making it the number one priority in my life lately?
Personal investment plays a key role in successfully rebuilding a deeper, more intimate and ultimately, more satisfying relationship. Partners must look hard at how much time, effort and energy they have “invested” in the relationship up until the point that the infidelity occurred.
When we choose a spouse or life-partner we are making the “largest” investment of our lifetime. This investment pays huge dividends if well-maintained and cared for. Family, career and social activity are key components to a happy life. However,our spouse or life-partner is our most important and sustaining relationship. This is the person we connect and relate with in a way we will never connect with another human-being. Therefore, it is our MOST important human relationship.
When making a decision as to wether you will move on with your relationship consider the points discussed above. Do you have valued history with your partner?Have you communicated to understand what happened and why? Most importantly, have you been investing fully of yourself making the relationship your number one priority in life? If not, relationship counseling can educate you and impower you to learn the skills needed to forge a new and often better partnership with the person you love.
Talking with a counselor about relationship problems, including infidelity, can be a good step towards working to repair a relationship. Grant Counseling Connection of Shelby Township in Macomb County, Michigan specializes in working with individuals, couples, and families. Contact our office today to schedule a FREE INTITIAL COUNSELING APPOINTMENT, and lean more about how a professional therapist can assist in strengthening your relationships.
Read more about Grant Counseling Connection counselors.