In these economic times, couples struggle more than ever to keep their relationship intact. The following list is just some signs that might indicate a problem is brewing. Some topics you can work out on your own and then some topics you will need to seek the help of a professional to work through. A good marriage counselor will guide you through the problems and give you tools to apply solving future problems. Not all relationships can be saved, but if both partners come into counseling committed to making the relationship work, chances are the relationship can be saved.
Here are 14 ways to tell your relationship may be in trouble. If you and your partner’s relationship exhibit any of these signs, it may be time to see a marriage counselor:
Breakdown in communication. Conversations dissolve into fights. There is failure to really listen to each other. “Fair” fighting is out the window to be replaced by arguments that cannot be resolved and become verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically abusive.
Finances are extremely tight, maybe due to one (or maybe both) losing their job. Credit card debt climbs. Foreclosure on the house is possible. In recent years never has money been as big of an issue as it is now and tight money puts an incredible strain on the relationship. Tight money often drives a wedge between a couple, where to weather the storm the couple needs to work together. Look for a counselor who bases their fee on a sliding fee scale based on your income.
Mutual respect has diminished. When respect for each other’s feelings, individuality and differences takes a dive, it is time to seek counseling.
Commitment to each other and the family as a whole is suffering. This may manifest itself in general feelings of dissatisfaction or restlessness, or unhappiness.
There is an emotional or physical affair with another person.
Much too much judging instead of accepting. No appreciation or acceptance of differences in personalities. No encouragement of allowing each other to pursue separate interests.
Intimacy is getting less and less. The couple complains of being “roommates”. No signs of affection. Possibly sleeping in separate rooms. Dissatisfaction with the low level of intimacy. Note: depression is often a culprit in destroying sex drive and so is bottled up anger.
Not being on the same page as far as child rearing. Unable to take a united stand when dealing with a child who is causing a problem.
Lack of common interests or time spent enjoying one another. No feelings of togetherness. No mutual friends. And often extended families are problems, making family gatherings a strain.
Unresolved childhood issues that undermine the relationship.
Alcohol or drug abuse. A partner with mental health issues, such as, depression, bi-polar disorder, compulsive gambling, lying or spending money.
Inability to compromise. Having the same old arguments again and again..
Out of control jealousy that is not warranted. This often leads to constant checking of cell phones for unfamiliar phone numbers, text messages, searching of email and unwarranted accusations.
Threats of divorce that are left hanging over a partner’s head.
All relationships at one time or another experience many of these problems. And some have a healthy enough relationship to work as a team and deal with and resolve the issues. But many couples get stuck or simply lack the skills to tackle problems in a healthy way. When trying to resolve problems ends up in the increasing number of fights and arguments until one or both wants to give up, it is time to get couples counseling before it is too late. In finding the right marriage counselor, be sure you ask their credentials, how long have they done marriage counseling, are they married, etc.
Since insurance does NOT cover marriage counseling, the counselor’s fee is important and ask if they offer a sliding fee scale based on income. It is also important to make sure that you find a marriage counselor that you and your partner are both comfortable with.
Grant Counseling Connection in Shelby Township, Michigan specialized in couples and marriage counseling for couples in Shelby Township, Rochester, Troy, Sterling Heights, Macomb, Washington, and Utica. The offices are located on Van Dyke, for easy access from most metro Detroit communities. Call our counselors at (586)260-5664 to set up a free initial consultation for your marriage therapy.
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Read our tips on how to start to move forward in a relationship after infidelity.