Couples today face many challenges. Tough economic conditions, changing world views
on marriage and family and exploding technology. Social media offers texting, sexting,
and every kind of social networking you can imagine. Raising children and adolescents
has become an all-encompassing endeavor as parents struggle to stay one-step ahead
of the ever changing barrage of issues that confront their kids daily. Many relationships
end because couples find themselves overwhelmed and lonely. They feel out-of-touch
with themselves and each other. They just want to feel alive again. Many of these
relationships are well-worth saving.Rebuilding a relationship is very hard work. But what
emerges is a stronger more committed and deeply satisfying relationship.
Here are some simple questions to ask yourself as you embark upon this very difficult
but ultimately rewarding journey:
1. History- How much time have I spent with this person? How many important or joyful
moments have we shared? Have we faced any crisis or tragedy together? How many
memories have we built together?
History is important because it involves looking at what you have shared together as a
couple. It can often involve years of meaningful experiences. Whether short or very long,
history should never be discredited. History should be recognized and valued.
2. Communication- When is the last time I listened quietly and thoughtfully to what my
partner was saying? When my partner talks to me do I make sure that I hear and
understand what he/she is trying to convey? How often do I stop and take time to talk
with my partner? When was the last time that I shared my real feelings with my partner
or was genuinely interested in what they were feeling?
Good communication is critical to a good relationship. Communicating is NOT talking at
a person. Talking at people is reserved for teaching , presenting information, performing
or selling. Communicating with a person you love involves a reciprocal dynamic. It
transcends the common relationship to one of true sharing. Learning how to exchange
thoughts and feelings help you to dispel confusion and empowers you to achieve a deep
understanding of one another. It helps you to achieve CLARITY within a relationship.
Clarity is key in resolving conflict. Couples who communicate well report that they argue
less, enjoy deeper intimacy, have better sex and overall more fulfilling relationships.
3. Personal Investment- How much of my time, effort, energy and compassion have I
been investing in this relationship recently? How long has it been since it was the top
priority in my life?
Personal investment is the most important factor in successfully rebuilding a deeper,
more intimate and ultimately, more satisfying relationship.
When we choose a spouse or life-partner we are making the “largest” investment of our
lifetime. This investment pays huge dividends if it is well-maintained and cared for.
Family, career and social activity are components to a happy life. However,our spouse
or life-partner is our most important and sustaining relationship. This is the person we
connect and relate with in a way we will never connect with another human-being.
Therefore, it is our MOST important human relationship. Not our friends, our colleagues
or career associates, our parents or even our children will walk with us through all the
moments of our life, even in many cases,our final ones. Only our partner will
do that. If this is true why do so many things in life come before them?
If you choose to move forward in your marriage you must commit to re-prioritize your
life.This will mean making big changes and sacrifices of your time, energy and in some
cases even money. What you will end up with is a true partner. One you will value above
every other human-being on this earth.