In recent years, as a marriage/couples counselor, I have been seeing more and more couples, because one partner has been involved in an emotional affair. Emotional affairs have been increasing with Facebook, Twitter, etc., the ever evolving technology with cell phones and computers. Discussions that often involves sharing intimate details of each other’s lives and their relationships.
Is this “cheating” on your partner. YES, and one that can be just as harmful as a “physical”. Conversations that you would normally share with your partner, ( your frustrations, triumphs, secrets, hopes, etc.) are now shared with someone else, stealing away from your partner’s emotional connection with you. It is a relationship with a member of the opposite sex where you would NOT feel ok with your partner knowing about it. An emotional affair is the opening of a door that needs to remain shut.
Just consider these questions and thoughts to determine if you are in an emotional affair or are headed in that direction:
Do you tell your partner how much time you spend “talking”, texting, emailing or calling another person, or do you feel the need to hide this connection? (I have seen partners who have test messaged another person over 100 times a day!)
Do you arrange private talk or online chat time with this person?
Do you tell the other person more about your day than your tell your partner and are you sharing thoughts, feelings, problems, previously shared with your partner?
Platonic relationships are usually open. Are conversations kept secret?
Do you tell the other person about dissatisfactions you have in your current relationship?
Do you spend less time with your spouse, or make excuses to run errands to make for extra talk time?
Does your new friend seem to understand you better?
Are you rationalizing the emotional affair by saying “but we are just friends”?
Are you experiencing more tension, arguments, discord in current relationship?
There may be overlying sexual overtones, but emotional affairs are generally not physical. However, sharing your emotional life with someone besides your partner is cheating your partner out of the emotional connection that they deserve and have with you. It erodes trust, causes heartache, totally undermines the relationship with your partner. Emotional affairs send scores of couples to see out help from a professional marriage/ relationship counselor.
Almost all emotional affairs begin innocently and seem to spiral out of control rapidly. If you are involved in an emotional affair or think you have an emotional affair in the making, be honest with your partner and seek professional help.