1. LISTENING- The most important component of communication. Listening involves exercising a combination of skills including direct eye-contact, attention to facial cues and focus on verbal tone.
2. BLOCKING – Blocking happens when we shut-down our listening ability with preconceived beliefs about another individual. We think “we know” what they are going to say.
3. ELIMINATING “YOU” WORDS- When we start a sentence with the word “you” we automatically put the individual we are addressing on the defensive.
4. USING “I” WORDS- When we start a sentence with “ I” we own what we are saying. Whether initiating or responding in a conversation, using the word “I” will encourage the listener to hear and respond more positively.
5. DEFLECTING- Deflecting happens when we feel compelled to “one up” the person we are communicating with. It also happens when we shift blame by changing the focus or broadening the scope of a conversation.
6. REPHRASE- Rephrasing is when we restate what has been said to us. When we restate we insure to the listener that we have heard and understood what they they have stated. This, “attending” is critically important to the process of communication. It allows for the clarification and eliminates misunderstandings. An easy way to do this is to say, “so what your saying is….” Rephrasing invites the individual you are speaking with to confirm that we heard them correctly.
7. ATTENDING- Second to listening, “attending” is the most important communication skill.Attending involves looking at the person who is talking. Inviting body language and facial expression that conveys interest are also part of attending. Attending, tells the individual we are speaking to that we care about what they are saying.
8. EXITING- Exiting is a skill that is used to end a negative or lengthly verbal exchange in a positive manner. This skill requires rephrasing what the individual has stated, validating their feeling (it is not necessary to agree) and ending the conversation firmly. It may or may not involve a commitment for readdressing the conversation.