Are you struggling with an angry or oppositional child? Below are 6 tips from a Michigan counselor who specializes in working with families and children.
STOP taking advice from well meaning friends and family. Understand that others will always know what you should be doing but seldom have lived the experience themselves.
STOP expecting your child to respond to routine discipline techniques such as spanking, taking away cell phones,and grounding.These techniques seldom work and often escalate rebellious behaviors.
STOP reacting when your child is angry. Don’t touch or restrain a child unless she/he is self -harming ( be very careful to distinguish that there is real risk of self-harm BEFORE reacting.) Whenever possible “walk away” leave the area the child is in and allow them space. Talk with them afterwards about what happened. Explain inappropriate behavior, offer examples of alternate behaviors. Help them to set attainable short term- goals regarding behavior. Help them to identify a “safe place” to go within the home when angry. (the area should be one that can withstand some wear and tear!)
EDUCATE both yourself and your child about what it means to be oppositional. Help them to understand that they are not “bad” and that they can manage these feelings by learning skills and having “a plan”. Skills can include communication techniques, biological recognition (how their body feels when angry), thought- stopping and a wide variety of anger de-escalation methods.
REMEMBER TO CHECK YOUR OWN MOTIVES AT THE DOOR. Before addressing your oppositional child or adolescent be sure to ask yourself, ” Am I trying to prove that I am in charge or am I trying to help my child?”
CATCH EVERYTHING THEY DO RIGHT. Even on the most difficult days try to find the things they do right and tell them about it. Research shows that positive reinforcement is the most powerful method for changing negative behavior.
Dealing with an oppositional child can often cause stresses on marriages and families. Terry J Parrish LPC NT NCC at Counseling Connection in Shelby Township Michigan has helped many metro Detroit families who are struggling with oppositional children. You can set up a free initial counseling consulation to meet with Terrry either as a family, or individually